Yesterday my Wife has read my old blog posts and she told me something she wasn’t aware about how I felt couple of years ago when I wanted to come back to running. That was time when I had those three crashes on my bike (two broken elbows and a rib, all separate crashes). She told me that she didn’t know that I was so angry back then.
I almost forgot all about that but when we started to talk about this, it just came back. I was angry. Very angry. I fractures elbows, rib. Didn’t run Sparthatlon. And never came back to my form before ‘bike rides’. I was frustrated on the beginning and then just angry. I knew that it will be hard to come back to running a much as I did before but I never thought that it will be impossible for me. My marathon running finished back then. I have completed some marathons but never in time I wanted. I have messed up couple pacing jobs. I have tried to rejoin running group I was working with before. But that just added to my frustration. Faster group, which I was running with before was way, way ahead of me. I was running with slower group. But after couple of trainings I have noticed that I was almost the slowest runner in the slower group. I was so annoyed. I have tried even individual training again. Something, which brought so much success couple of years before. But that didn’t work this time. My individual training program was too hard for me. I wasn’t able to finish almost 75% of assigned trainings. I know that there are days when you just can’t… And that has happened before. But that was maybe 1 training in 10. And now I was able to finish 1 or 2 in whole week program. That was frustrating. I couldn’t see even myself running close to my average pace. My fitness level was going down completely. Marathons not finished. I become very angry all the time. And then I just gave up…
Not even number of run marathons – 92 – was able to push me to running. I stopped. I haven’t picked up any new heathy hobby. Just allowed everything I have achieved to waste – running, fitness level, heathy eating. I have tried couple of times to pick myself up but that never last for too long (usually about 2 weeks). I have basically become couch potato. Not as angry any more.
After lockdown I have decided that it’s time to finish those 8 missing marathons. Sign myself to work with personal trainer. Goal – good fitness level, back to running and be able to finish marathon.