Writing this post when on board of Ryanair flying back home. Things have changed since the 9th of November…
I got phone call in very early morning from my Sister. She was crying… All I could say was just simple ‘No’ which I have repeated numerous times. I was preparing myself for this phone call. But didn’t know that it will arrive so early. We were in Poland to see my Mom just at the end of August and beginning of September. Mom wasn’t in best shape but she was sitting in the wheelchair. She was happy to see us, even if she wasn’t actually recognizing us. She was smiling. She look not great but considering illness I think she was in good spirit… And just over two months later she passed… Just day before that me and my Sister were discussing financial difficulties surrounding nursing home and how we need to be flexible and creative to be able to support Mom. How we will organise Christmas visit to see her…
And day after that I was crying hearing my Sister. Mom was gone. What left were memories. Not always great but those will fade away and we will stay with only those grand and funny ones. Next day we were in Poland. We had to organise everything for the funeral. It’s hard to do when you are numb. All preparation, especially in the time of covid, takes all focus from grieving process. I was feeling sad but we didn’t have almost any moment to sit down and remember Mom. We did that when we were trying to pick up picture for funeral. That was tricky. On some she was sad, too serious. On some she was too young, not many remembered her like this. We got eventually picture on which she was happy… My Mom would be happy with last mass and funeral. Plenty of her friends were there. Almost whole old neighbourhood… And friends of family, mine or my sister. They remember Mom as person whose home was always open for anyone. My Mom told Marek, my friend from secondary school and priest who was leading last mass that he will become priest well before he knew it 😊… And then 10 red roses were put in the grave after her ashes disappeared there. That was the first time I cried since that call from my Sister couple of days ago…
That was it. She was gone… Me and my Sister started to talk more about our Mom and less about funeral and all things needed after someone is passing. Time to start grieving started… We are happy that she is now with our Dad and free from suffering. We will cope. It will take time but we will. Christmas will be strange this year…